A-Roid: Now as a Toon Lune

I won't say I never liked him, but since he left Seattle, which was long before he signed his contract with the Texas Rangers, I've despised him. He's a calculating phony. Last year was the first year I failed to attend a game for the express purpose of booing his sorry ass.

I don't care how talented he is, and his using 'roids has done nothing to change my opinion, he's a fucking loser. Now that he's pulling a Dubya, and making new lies as the old ones are blown full of holes... well... He is TRASH. can you tell I hate phonies?

I have a T-shirt I bought in Maui that has a saying on it, the adherence to which would serve A-roid and other phonies and compulsive liars well:

Tell the truth; there's less to remember.

Trying to live by that may not change the type of person you are (like a recovering oxycontin addict who turns to booze or sex is still an addict) but it will make life simpler.

Bullshitiousness and Douchebaggery... part faux

Fucks Noise is going to have an interview with wannabe royal family: Aitch Dub and Dubya. WOWeee...

Wear your fucking chest waders and hide anything harder that your Teevee screen. Keep it all out of reach anyway.

My question:

Where are the drinking games?

I didn't catch the C&L roster of talking head guests, but today seems to be a fucking gold shit mine: Cheney on CNN, Snuffy's Gang of Four and the ultimate living justification for abortion on demand and his dad... I hope I can resist relapsing on my sobriety.

Gone So Long, I Forgot a Title

Damn, it's been a long time since I posted anything, and longer still since I posted anything worth reading (if I ever did.) That whole bullshit thing at work, with the time clock, threw me off much more than it should have. Then there was the visit by the wife's niece and nephew ( the Republican's kids) and an overlapping visit by the cool brother-in-law from New York, with his partner. Things are almost back to normal, or as normal as they ever get around here (or in any household): the Mother-in-law is parked in her usual spot playing solitaire at the dining room table, looking out at Greenlake -- which she likes to point out is actually blue -- and the mountains, while the wife plays sudoku at the counter and answers her repeated questions about where she lives, for how long, with whom, and when the kids and her son are going to get here to visit. That's right, her son just left and she has no clue he was here. Sad; really sad. The grandmonster was running around making enough noise for an army, as many 7-yo boys are prone to do, but now he's picked up a dust mop and is busy cleaning and frightening my dog; she hates any kind of contraption, no matter how simple. I don't think Ms Thing poking her head out of her cave for a sec to scold her kid had much to do with him quieting down; I think he just needs a variety regarding whose nerves he irritates. Me? I'm just sitting here being my boring self. one thing...

Back on the Fourth of July I announced that I was going to attempt to quit smoking, using Chantix. Well as of midnite-ish tonight, it will be one whole week without. The week before last,I went nearly four days without (95 hours, and yes, I was counting.) It's taken a long time, but hopefully I've done it. Some of the toughest hurdles were: Not having one first thing in the morning; Not having one just before bed; Not having one during the drive to or from work; Not having one while on the crapper; Not having one after eating; Not having one while having a glass of wine; And on and on. A step at a time, a day at a time, blah blah. Which makes me wonder: When will I be a non-smoker?

The 12-steppers seem to have this thing about "being in recovery," or always being a "Recovering _____," (fill in the blank yourself), as if the job is never done, the struggle is never over, as if there is no such thing as success... as if they were once dependent on some thing or substance, and now are dependent on the group/program. Maybe they're right. After all, I did once quit for 8 1/2 years only to start again and smoke for 20+ yrs. But then what about positive thinking? "I think, therefore I am?" If I always think I'm quitting, will I ever truly quit? Will I ever think and believe that I am a non-smoker? that I truly no longer smoke? that I will never smoke again? When will I (be able to) quit counting hours, days, weeks, months... without? When will I be able to ditch the toothpicks?

I don't want to become a self-righteous anti-smoking Nazi, nor do I want to forever have to wear the scarlet S and walk through life as if I need forgiveness for the horrible sin I've committed.

Whatever the hell happens, it'll be nice to be able to walk up a fight of steps and carry on a conversation without reaching the top, gasping for breath.

Smart Questions; Stupid Answers

Someone put up a sign where I work not long ago that merely said, "Fuck it." I noticed a few days later that someone added to it, "OK, but you're it." Not in the same way at all, but Jess has decided I'm it. This is a first for me, but here goes. My answers to five questions of which I've never thought:

1. Wednesday, Nov. 5, 2008. Our side won! How do you celebrate?

Hmmm.... Call in sick to start. Bang the beejeezus out of the wife. Double shots of Irish Cream in my coffee. Host a barbecue for the neighborhood.

2. Are you on a boat or are you a land lubber or do you soar?

I live in a house, on land, but I love being on the water. I fished and crabbed when I lived in Southeast Alaska, and there's nothing like falling asleep on a boat at anchor. It's just like being rocked to sleep in a cradle. Of natural DD boobs. on a different note, I consider myself a fairly down-to-earth logical person. Not highly imaginative, unless the subject is a bit perverse. Fairly predictable, unless in mixed company and expected to behave.

3. What was the last mistake you wished you could cover up?

Probably that time I was wrong. Actually, I can't really think of one, and that's not meant to imply that I'm at all perfect. There's no real need to cover up honest mistakes. It's intentional lies, law breaking and outright stupidity that need covering, like Vitter's shit, or giving over your credit card in a titty bar.

4. Are your omelettes fluffy?

Shit. I haven't attempted one in about ten years. Now I'm going to have to go make one to find out.

5. When was the last time your paradigm shifted?

"Paradigm: 1: model, pattern 2: a systematic inflection of a verb or noun showing a complete conjugation or declension." Riiiiight... Hmmmmm... Welllllll... Since being married and having a step-family, it seems like things are constantly shifting. Dealing with my mother-in-law's dementia is always a challenge. It's gotten to the point now, where she doesn't know where she lives most of the time. Then there's life with the step-daughter and grandmonster. They recently moved in after she decided to kick her oxycontin addiction. She and I NEVER got along, but she's been taking her treatment/recovery seriously and is undergoing some real changes. I hope that she continues, but I fear that she won't. She's earned a bit of my respect, and I've actually come to kind of like her. I don't have to put up with her; I can enjoy her company and conversation. Sounds easy, right?

Life was easier when I hated her. I never gave a rat's ass what she did, or if she got into trouble -- except with regards as to how she would pawn off the consequences to my wife and I. Now I worry. I don't want to see her relapse into the bitch-queen she was, who thought that acting grown up and accumulating things, was the same as being grown up and earning your place in life. She wants to act like a teenager and I want to slap her silly and ground her even though I know that neither would do her any good. She talks about guys and instead of me worrying about them knowing what they light be getting into, I worry about her getting her heart broken or just feeling used and thrown away. I'm not used to that. At all. It's like being a fucking dad or something.

There. Done.

I've GOT to go see, "Sicko"

Browsing around on The Raw Story today, I came across a link to MichealMoore.com and found this little gem:

...the recent Health Care Symposium held in Harrisburg - where a panel of representatives from Government, Insurance, Hospitals, Business, Physicians, and even Lawyers agreed on one thing - that there was no quick fix and that Health and Wellness was the critical area of focus.

"...no quick fix..." Don't you just love it when the powers that be trot that phrase out: Whenever they have no fucking intention of getting off their asses to even think about fixing a problem. As to "Health and Wellness being a critical area of focus," that's bullshit as well.

I have to admit that through my union contract, my employer provides me with some pretty good coverage. It's even fairly cheap to add family members to my plan, and that's VERY important now that the wife will be quitting her job to come home and take care of her Mom. BUT, if my health care providers -- Washington Employers Trust and Beechstreet/FirstChoice were at all concerned with health and wellness, would it not make sense for my Chantix prescription to fall within their prescription coverage? I had to shell out the full $125 for the first month's supply and will have to shell out the same if I need/want another month. Wouldn't they WANT more non-smokers? Aren't non-smokers "healthier and weller?"

Now I have to admit, for me, $125 is just a minor inconvenience, but for many others it wouldn't be. In the grand scheme of things, it's another example of failed conservative policy at work and the evil behind our health care racket.

I Picked a Bad Time to Quit Drinking

And JP picked a bad time to retire. I've always liked this guy, but I think his recent posts are some of his best ever. It's not hard to believe that he just couldn't keep still after W pardoned Libby. Outrage has it's effects.

Toward the end of our party on the 4th, someone brought up the Libby pardon. It wasn't "the Republican," so no one went over the deck railing, but as soon as I started talking, I started looking in my cabinet for a wine glass. I held off till I calmed down before finally giving in and having a few glasses during the fireworks and after the cleanup was done. All in all though, I managed to behave myself. I'm back on the wagon since, and after the hangover I had, I think I might stay there.

Happy Independence Day

Wow. The first of five days off for me. It's going to be a busy one too.

We moved into this house five years ago; it's probably the nicest house we'll ever have. Lots of room; too much room; enough room to allow Ms Thing and the grandmonster to live here along with me and the wife and her mom. Ahhh, but it does have a second story deck with a beautiful view: Downtown Seattle, Mt Ranier, the Olympic Mountains, and best of all the 4th of July and New Years Eve fireworks. We can't see all of them but we can see two, sometimes three display and best of all: No fussing with crowds! The wife hates crowds. We discovered this when we had a housewarming party on the 4th back in 2002, and have done a 4th party every year since.

For the most part my social life with my wife could be called, "The Ex-files." Seems like most all of our social contacts have something to do with her ex. Their kids, his new wife and her kids, his new wife's kids' families... you get the picture. Dale's one of these; What the fuck are you, Dale? In proper relative terms I mean? It's OK, since I actually like most of them, but it got a bit old, and over time we've launched out, and get this: We began inviting neighbors over. This year actually will feature one of Ms Thing's friends from her recovery groups (another subject), a couple who are friends of she and her brother and a co-worker of mine; we're reeeeeally getting out there. So what to do..?

Well first off I have to tire out the dog at the off-leash park, so she doesn't drive everyone crazy. She Loves to swim, but won't fetch a good tennis ball; it has to have some cuts and holes in it; it's best if it sinks to the bottom and she has to dive for it. Next I have to get going on my cooking. A short history:

Back in about 2003, the wife made what I thought was a STUPID investment: She was craving a grilled steak and bought a gas grill. "OK. So we have a couple of $100 steaks and then watch it rust. Smooth move Ms Ex-Lax." Who'd a thunk it: I fell in love with grilling. First it was just your standard fare of burgers and steaks; then the beer can chicken; then a beer can turkey; then for Christmas, our next-door neighbor and best friend bought me a rotisserie; and just after my last birthday I bought what I hoped would be my dream grill: A 4-burner, 100% stainless steel jobbie. Coulda got a better one at Costco though; one with a rotisserie burner in the back, for $50 less; guys are never satisfied. Lots more grill surface and lots more head room. Add to all that, several cook books, and web links supplied by my neighbor -- who's one excellent cook herself -- and you have the monster I am today. I'm no pro; I can still ruin a meal with the best of 'em, but I've fallen in love with the whole process, experimenting with rubs and marinades and sauces and techniques... So for today's menu:

Pork spare ribs and chicken tenders. Two racks of the ribs will first sit with a rub consisting of some brown sugar, powdered mustard, paprika, garlic powder and onion powder. The recipe calls for some black pepper, but I'm going to skip that since the sauce I'll use -- after about one hr on the grill -- is a sweet sauce with maple syrup, ketchup, bourbon, oil Dijon mustard and cider vinegar. A third rack of ribs, for our booze-paranoid guests, will be a bit more traditional with an off-the-shelf sauce.

For the chicken, I'll use an Asian, sweet and garlicky sauce/marinade. The recipe was written up for pork chiops and I've used it before for both chops and a rotisseried loin, so today will be a first for me. I'll mixed up some brown sugar, fish (or soy) sauce, rice wine, sesame oil, grated ginger, salt and pepper and the ever present garlic (can never have too much garlic for my taste), put it an a bag with the chicken and let it stew for a few hours. The plan is to do the chicken -- which shouldn't take too long -- after the ribs, while everyone chows down and oooos and ahhhhs.

If anyone wants either recipe, drop me a note or comment, and I can either email it, or post it here for everyone. In other news of the day:

Today the wife and I plan to declare our independence from cancer sticks. The other day at Firestarter, Kimmy K mentioned a drug called Chantix. The wife's doc recommended it, my doc recommended it, my pharmacist spoke well of it... every seems to speak well of it. It's supposed to me MUCH more affective that any of the nicotine stuff out there. I've been a 1 1/2 to 2 pack a day guy for about 25 years now. I've tried cold-turkey before, but haven't lasted 24 hours -- even though I quit for 8 1/2 yrs in my twenties. Hopefully this stuff is all it's cracked up to be. You'll hear about it either way. Lots of recovery type stuff going on around here.

It's also been a month since I've had any booze other than weekend Irish Cream in my coffee. Not sure if I'll drink anything more than that today. My brother-in-law -- not at all affectionately known as "The Republican" -- will be here and the last time he was here socially, I drank more and more, and went further and further off with everything he said. The problem is, if I'm sober, I might just be physically able to throw him off my deck. All I can do if I'm plastered is be loud and crude. This guy comes up with such gems of wisdom as, "Why's everyone complaining? The economy's better than it's ever been," and "You know, people without health insurance heal faster." He's so frickin brillyunt. The wife's biggest job today will be to keep us separated. God help us all if she fails.

So there you have it. What's on your agenda?