Democrats: We must purchase X. Without X our country is history.
Republicans: Bah. Whatever. Fuck you, commie, pinko, loser, terrorist sympathizers.
President: Folks, X must be purchased. The time has come! Get to it! X will cost $100, so lay out the funds.
Democrats: Thank you, Mr. President. Okay, what do our constituents want?
Voters: Uh, lay out the $100 and get X. Duh.
Democrats: No, that's off the table.
Voters: What? Why?
Democrats: Shut up!
Republicans: How about we just analyze how much of X we really need, most likely none, and pay the proportionate amount?
Democrats: That makes sense, but we really need X. How about $80?
Republicans: $15.
Democrats: $75.
Republicans: $15!
Democrats: $65?
Republicans: $15!
Democrats: $60.
Republicans: $15!
Democrats: $55.
Republicans: $15!
Democrats: Okay, $45, but we're not going any lower! X is too important!
Republicans: $15!
Democrats: $35?
Republicans: $15!
Democrats: $30.
Republicans: $15!
Conservo-crats: You know what? The Republicans are correct. $15 is good.
Democrats: What?!?!
Conservo-crats: You'll never even get part of X without us.
Democrats: $25!
Conservo-crats: Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Democrats: $20?
Conservo-crats: $15.
President: Do what the Conserva-crats are saying. We need a deal.
Democrats: God damn it! Okay. $15.
Republicans: $10.
Democrats: Hey!
Conservo-crats: We could go for $10. After all, it's 10% more X than we have right now.
Democrats: What the hell good is 10% of X when without all of X our country is fucked?
Republicans: You guys really need to learn how to compromise. Stop being so stubborn. Stop being such idealists.
Democrats: Can we at least get back to $15?
Conservo-crats: Ehh, $10's good. Let's do $10.
Democrats: Fuck it. Fine. $10, for whatever good it'll do.
Republicans: $5.
Democrats: Stop it!
Republicans: $5, or we filibuster, and get the Conservo-crats to join us.
Democrats: Okay. $5. But no lower! We're putting our foot down for the American people.
Progresso-crats: Fuck this! We'll filibuster the damn thing!
Democrats: Hey! You lefties stay out of this! With you involved we'll get nothing! Let us do the negotiating!
Progresso-crats: We are getting nothing! You said so yourself! What good is 5% of X when without all of X our country is done?
Democrats: We're settled on $5. $5 is at least a 5% victory for the American people. We can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
Progresso-crats: You're kidding, right?
Democrats: $5 and not a dollar less!
. . . . . . . . to be continued . . . . . .
